And So It goes...

He broke up with me. I feel like killing myself. Life is so uncertain and nothing seemingly works out. I feel like a two time loser because I let it happen again. I fell in love so deep for someone who was completely wrong for me. Why do I do this? Do I have some type of affliction where I get an allergic reaction to being happy so I always decide to choose hell. Hell, it was fun. He was a bad boy. The kind that cheats and lies, but is so charming that you could not resist. We broke up once and he swore that he would change. Came crawling back. Not exactly crawling. More like we were already having ex-sex and he missed me. Getting back together was the temporary bandage that I needed at the time. We got back together and everything felt right. Until it was wrong. He was back to texting his ex and playing old tricks again. But when I checked the messages everything seemed on the up and up. I'd get mad, he'd explain. This happened every weekend until the crash. Finally thought we got over the hump when he realized it wasn't working. He thought we reached our peak. I thought we finally started to take off. At this time the sex cooled down and it was a toxic mix. I'm sitting here reflecting on my dangerous pattern with men. If want so desperately to be happy why do I make such bad choices?


LB